How to Have Real Peace

Thoughts on recent prison message.

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At a recent prison worship service, I wanted to address the issue of strife and relational bullying inside the fence. My goal was to demonstrate how the gospel provides a powerful solution to backbiting and slander. To make my point, I wanted to set a typical prison response to bullying against the radically different approach offered by the gospel. I’ve used an approach like this with other topics. It can be a simple and effective message structure:

1) Outline an ineffective way of dealing with one of life’s problems. [The Foil.]

2) Explain how the Bible offers a much better solution. [The Hero.]

It turned out to be easy to find quintessential examples of the prideful, defensive approach common in prison. I just had to look at a group already known for being vain, self-involved, and narcissistic.

You know—celebrities.

Here is what I found.

Below is a transcript of an interview with Kylie Jenner discussing her solution to the problem of detractors.

I love words of affirmation. I just love sitting there and reassuring myself of who I am. . . Sometimes it could feel very unfair. You could be reading something that someone is saying about you […] and being like '“that is so unfair cuz that’s not who I am.” And that really gets to me sometimes and that really sucks.

But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, I know who I am, and that’s all. Why does anything else matter […] Any of everything else [sic] is just noise.

It was just what I was looking for. Her approach had a certain ring of truth to it, but at its heart was sheer narcissism. I mean, come on. Literally looking at yourself in the mirror and muttering affirmations? What could be more self-involved? I thought I had a real good foil on my hands with Kylie Jenner. But she was nothing compared to what I found next.

Below is Sheryl Lee Ralph’s hand-on-the-hip smackdown for anyone who doesn’t love themselves enough. In the clip, she authoritatively commands the viewer, “When you look in the mirror, you better love what YOU see!”

After watching the previous videos, I half remembered a Whitney Houston song and looked it up. In the song “The Greatest Love of All,” Houston claims that no matter what people say about her, they “can’t take away [her] dignity because she’s found the greatest love of all inside of [her].

Her definition of The Greatest Love? Is it a soldier dying for his country? A man who rushes into a burning building to save his children? A kidney donor? A couple faithfully married for 60 years? Nope. The greatest love of all is the love you lavish upon yourself. Mmmm. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. I love ME!!!

@whitneyhouston"Our young people need to hear that song and realize it's about loving yourself. If you can love yourself through all your rights and wrongs and faults, then that's the greatest love of all." - Whitney 38 years ago, "Greatest Love Of All" was released as the final single from Whitney's debut album. It remains her third biggest hit after "I Will Always Love You" and "I Wanna Dance With Somebody (Who Loves Me)."

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The Gospel of Self-Love

I was looking forward to dismantling these celebrity solutions during the message portion of my prison worship service. Deriding other people for their solutions to bullying is not very spiritual, I know. I was being a little too snarky for someone who was supposed to be bringing a Christian message to the prison.

So, maybe it was for the best when one of the inmates shut me down right after I read a transcript of the Kylie Jenner video to the group. I was hoping they’d catch the irony in my tone and realize I wasn’t reading the words because I thought they were helpful or profound. But apparently they didn’t catch my tone because as soon as I finished, a woman in the third row raised her hand—charismatic church-style—and said:

I’ve been struggling with this exact thing all day. All this stuff people are saying about me— and making up about me— out on the yard. I was so depressed and heavy-hearted about it that I considered not coming to the service tonight. But, that quote [Jenner’s] is my confirmation. This is where God wants me tonight!

She resonated with Jenner’s statements so strongly that it felt like Truth itself had spoken to her through the celebrity’s words. She thought God just wanted her to gaze in a mirror, love herself, and dismiss her prison yard critics.

Ooops. Now what?

After the inmate spoke, I realized I couldn’t just jump into criticizing Jenner’s words. Criticizing the statement would be tantamount to criticizing the inmate who was so moved by it. So like it or not, I had to take the idea of self-love a bit more seriously.

I needed to approach my topic the way Apostle Paul approached the people of Athens when he saw their many altars to idols on Mars Hill. As a Monotheist, he was grieved and outraged at what he saw. But rather than mock and deride their idolatry, he used their many altars as a launching point for his sermon. Like the Apostle Paul, I needed to provide a more winsome message. Instead of using Jenner’s point of view for a smackdown, I had to use it as a starting point.

The Misleading Mirror

I don’t think it's a coincidence that Kylie Jenner and Sheryl Lee Ralph both mention mirrors in their videos. Nor is it a coincidence that Whitney Houston’s video showed adult and child Whitney Houstons gazing lovingly at each other through the mirror of time.

The motif of loving oneself is an ancient one. Its survival across the ages suggests there might be something to it. Certainly, thinking too little of oneself can be a sin. After all, if 'He who mocks the poor mocks their Maker,' then he who beats up on himself is trashing God’s handiwork.

Yet our ancestors have also understood—even if only dimly—that self-love can be a trap—a perversion of appropriate love.

The Myth of Narcissus. The ancient Greeks understood that there was a danger in admiring oneself in a reflection. They told the story of Narcissus, a handsome Greek, who caught sight of his image in a pool of water and fell so thoroughly in love with himself that he gazed at his own reflection until he died at the side of the waters. The Myth of Narcissus reminds us that self-love isn’t the greatest love of all. It’s a dead end.

Snow White. Reflections have a prominent role in the folk tale Snow White, as well. The witch obsessively checks in with her magic mirror to assure herself that she continues to be the most beautiful woman in the land. In contrast, Snow White’s beauty comes at least in part from her modesty and selflessness.

License to Kill. In Bob Dylan’s masterpiece “License to Kill” he minces few words about mirror gazing. His depiction of humankind is as brutal as it is accurate. “He worships at an altar of stagnant pool/ He sees his reflection and is fulfilled/ O man is opposed to fair play/ He wants it all and wants it his way.”

Homo incurvatus in se. This is a Latin phrase Martin Luther used to describe humanity’s central problem. It means, “humanity curved in on itself.” It is a shorthand for saying that man has stopped gazing in admiration at God and turned his attention inward. Instead of directing his worship upward, the focus of his worship curves back on himself.

The Solution

Given the potential drawbacks of the mirror-gazing option, it might be worthwhile to examine Jesus’ suggestions on how to handle haters.

³⁹ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. ⁴⁰ And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. ⁴¹ If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. ⁴² Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. [Matthew 5:39-45]

It would be easy to dismiss Jesus’ teachings if he hadn’t put them into practice himself. When faced with accusations and condemnations from a public mob, he didn’t go looking for a mirror in which he could gaze lovingly upon himself. There were no affirmations, nor were there any declarations that his love of himself was his ultimate form of dignity. He neither dismissed nor denigrated those who clamored against him.

²³ When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:23

In the midst of ultimate pain and suffering, he prayed to “him who judges justly” and said in love and tenderness, “Father, forgive them. They don’t know what they are doing.”

His path is hard—it is narrow and he warns us it will involve suffering. In fact, his road is impossible. Who could resist the desire to build oneself up after an attack? Who wouldn’t want to give a bully a taste of their own medicine? Loving our enemies is not in our nature. Neither is the kind of forgiveness that leads a person to bless those who curse them.

The only way we humans can imitate Christ in even the smallest way is if we are full to the brim and overflowing with love, not from ourselves, but a supernatural, superhuman love. Rather than retreat to a mirror to pump ourselves up with affirmations, the path involves daily, and in some cases, hourly reminders of the love of God found in Scripture. We can’t will ourselves to be Christ-like, we can’t practice forgiveness as a discipline, and be transformed into lovers of our enemies through any secular therapy.

We need an injection of vitamin L. Or, as Dylan would say, a shot of love. And what could be a better reminder than this PJ Harvey version of the Dylan anthem?