The Mean Girl Trope
How our portrayals of popular high school students have obscured the truth about popularity and acted as a coverstory to hide our resentment
In this post, I am continuing my exploration of ideals by giving a specific example of the “Popular High School Student.”
Our culture dislikes ideals. Our dislike is so profound that we even prefer our fictional characters to have a few flaws. We especially like inverting old paradigms by reimagining idealized characters, knocking them down a peg, and giving them more “relatable” characteristics.
For example, most fictional depictions of Popular High School Students used to be unambiguously positive. In the 1940s and 50s, fictional Popular Students were—more often than not—role models who gained popularity by being likable. Dobie Gillis, Nancy Drew, Henry Aldrich, and the comic book character Archie all exemplified this ideal. They were clean-cut, with just a smidge of mischievousness.
But more recent depictions of popular teens are entirely uncomplimentary. Rather than squeaky-clean citizens, they are portrayed as haughty, self-absorbed, and ruthless. Movies like Carrie [1976], Mean Girls [2004], and countless imitations have cemented this trope in our collective consciousness. These depictions have become so clichéd that most of us could write the Obligatory Lunchroom Bullying Scene [OLBS] from memory.
Modern adaptations of classics like Nacy Drew update the character by making her relatable, awkward, and unfashionable—unlike the original Nancy, a socialite extraordinaire who dressed up for dinner dates at the local golf club.
In the 2019 Nancy Drew movie, Nany isn’t glamorous, popular, or well-dressed—the villains are.
But which version of popular students is more accurate?
What are popular kids like?
High school students—even popular ones—are awkward, egocentric, and immature. The parts of their brains most useful for empathy are still under construction. So, it’s unsurprising that teens don’t treat each other with the spiritual maturity of a Gahndi or an MLK.
However, survey data suggests that many popular teens gain their status by being likable.
Likable teens show more interest in their peers' thoughts and opinions. They are also more emotionally mature. For example, if someone bumps into them in the hall, they first assume it was a simple accident rather than an intentional act of disrespect. And when someone is intentionally unkind to them, they are better at deflecting it and even turning it into a positive experience for both parties.
In contrast, many unpopular kids are mostly interested in their own idiosyncratic topics of conversation. They have trouble viewing others in a kindly light. When they are on the receiving end of an unpleasant interaction, they are more likely to have an immature emotional response—which does nothing to win over a friend or prevent the next act of bullying.
A subset of popular teens does gain status through a more Machiavellian pathway. These students focus on achieving and maintaining status through dominance. For them, being popular isn’t a side effect of their likability; being popular is the goal, and their methods for gaining social ascendancy can be unsavory.
Marcos: a really popular pre-teen.
In the 90s, I worked with a kid I’ll call “Marcos.” Marcos was a prime example of why likable kids are often popular. When his school’s rumor mill pitted him against a kid we can call “Paul,” Marcos used verbal acumen and kindness to de-escalate.
Rather than react impulsively, Marcos developed a plan.
Call Paul at home when the gossips and instigators aren’t around
Remind him how they got along as kids in elementary school
Ask Paul if he really wanted to fight
The strategy worked. And a fight was avoided.
The strategy also showed precisely why Marcos was such a popular kid. He had the emotional maturity and social skills needed to handle this interaction. In other words, he was nice.
My guess is that we won’t be seeing a character like Marcos on our screens any time soon.
Who cares?
A reader might rightfully ask, why does any of this matter? Who cares if every depiction of popular students is now of the “Mean Girls” variety?
Well, here are a few reasons why it matters.
It’s bad art. By solely representing the cruel subset of popular teens, our culture’s current fictional landscape is just as unrealistic and artificial as the ones depicted in the 40s and 50s. If we find those old-fashioned depictions clunky and cartoonish, we might want to dismiss current representations of popular students for the same aesthetic reasons—they’re cheap and facile tropes. Good art says something more profound about the human condition.
Our culture fails to provide positive role models. The purpose of story-telling isn’t merely to entertain. Our stories define our culture and help shape our values. If we only portray popular students in a negative light, we lose out on the opportunity to inspire generosity and kindness in our youth. [This point will be critical when I begin to address addiction].
We foster resentment. When every positive exemplar of an ideal must be dismantled, we provide a breeding ground for resentment. That’s because human nature bends toward envy. From Cain’s resentment of his brother Abel to the Soviet Union's slaughter of peasants who dared to own a mule, humans have demonstrated their aptitude for lashing out in jealousy. Let’s not give a foothold to the Devil, the World, or our own predilections.
Conclusion
Our culture is hell-bent on destroying depictions of ideals. In last week’s post, I discussed how we dislike the ideal of motherhood. This post was about our dislike of the ideal popular student.
I’m not saying some students aren’t social Darwinists, using every tooth and claw to gain social advantage. Those students exist. However, survey data shows that the picture is more complex. Some students are popular because they are nice. And some unpopular students are unpopular because they lack empathy and are emotionally immature.
We should care about that last group of students. They need to know that a path to improved popularity is paved with good intentions and an interest in their peers. They can learn from the ideal popular student. Students who struggle socially must also know that bitterness, resentment, and envy are traps, not coping mechanisms. Likewise, awkwardness and a fixation on one's own interests do not make one endearingly quirky—they make it hard to win friends.