5 Sober Traditions We Should Invent

In which I propose some new traditions related to addiction recovery

In previous posts, I’ve discussed the importance of ideals for recovery. When people strive toward ideals, culture is formed. In recovery, as in business, culture eats strategy for breakfast.

Here are a few thoughts about how we could harness the behavior-shaping power of culture to promote sobriety.

As North Americans, we celebrate several traditions to mark important events. Most readers of this post have participated in at least a few of these:

• Bridal and Baby Showers

• Bachelor Parties

• Family Reunions

• Birthday and Aniversary Celebrations

• Graduation Ceremonies

• Farewell Dinners for retirement

We even have traditions to help us navigate tragic events. For example, we have funerals for those who have died, cards and meal trains for those with illnesses, and candlelight vigils for victims of crimes.

All of these traditions help us express care and support for our friends and family. Because these rituals have consistent components, they also help us feel confident that we know what to do when milestones occur. It’s nice not having to invent the birthday party from scratch each time a coworker or family member gets a year older.

Sober Traditions

But we don’t have a good set of traditions for addiction recovery. If you have a friend in rehab, what do you do? Is there a Hallmark card for that? Think about when your cousin’s spouse is restarting sobriety after a relapse or when a friend is celebrating a year alcohol-free. I can’t think of traditions to help us navigate those waters.

I assume most traditions have evolved over time, losing some features and gaining others. For example, we rarely beat people on their birthdays anymore, and the traditional birthday cake is a relatively new feature. Piñatas—or something similar to them, apparently migrated from China to Italy and Spain and then to Mexico. The word piñata comes from the Italian “pignatta,” for “fragile pot,” because the original piñatas was a clay pot with goodies inside. However, some internet sources claim that the pinata has pre-Columbian origins. To be honest, I don’t really care where they came from as long as they have "Lucas” candies inside.

Image clipped from: https://mayorgacoffee.com/blogs/news/pinatas-how-an-aztec-tradition-became-part-of-modern-day-mexican-culture

Given the tendency of traditions to morph over time, I think the main thing is to start the traditions. Eventually, the particulars of the traditions will come together. Some elements to consider would be:

• Decorations. Christmas has wreaths, and Thanksgiving has turkeys and corn. Holloween has pumpkins and ghosts. The 4th of July has flags. It seems like sober celebrations would benefit from some traditional decorations, though I have no idea what they should be.

• Food. Birthdays, the 4th of July, Christmas, and, of course, Thanksgiving all have their traditional food. Sobriety celebrations should feature something special, even if it is just a dessert or candy.

• Music. Christmas carols, Birthday songs, Wedding marches, football marching bands. . . music is a great way to make traditions special. There are tons of great songs about sobriety, we should make them standards.

• Spoken communication: Speeches, sermons, poems, stories, and prayers are all examples of ways we could make a tradition special.

• Plays. A lot of special events include plays or theatrical productions. The Christmas pageant is one example. I wouldn’t be opposed to a yearly Charlie Brown Sobriety Special or some stop-action animation, either.

• Written communication: Cards, guest books, posters, banners, and certificates are all examples of ways the written word can be part of a celebration.

• Dances. Some cultures have traditional dances that accompany celebrations. I am of Dutch extraction. So I wouldn’t know about—or approve of—anyone moving their body to music. But, if you heathens want to dance, that’s on you.

• Clothing: Christmas has ugly sweaters, birthdays have hats, and graduations have gowns. Easter has bonnets, weddings and funerals have veils, Halloween has costumes, and sporting events have jerseys and face paint. What clothing would make a sober statement?

So, with that preamble, I am ready to propose a few ideas. Feel free to add or edit in the comment section.

• Sober Birthday Party. On sobriety anniversaries, we should celebrate with cakes, cards, presents, and a birthday song. I like the idea of a piñata, too. Not sure what shape the piñata should be or what goodies to put inside. But, I do like the idea of smashing something while singing, “Dale, dale, dale, no pierdas el tino. Porque si lo pierdas, pierdas el camino.”

• Prodigal Son Celebration. For those who have relapsed, a ceremony to mark their return seems prudent. In the Biblical story, the happy father gave his son an elegant robe, a signet ring, and shoes to show that he was a prized son. We could replicate some of that spirit in our celebration. For example, in a quinceanera, a young woman will change out of flats into what is supposed to be her first pair of shoes with heels. Maybe we could have the user exchange their Slipknot Concert shirt for a polo?

  I’m just spitballing here, people. No judging.

• A Housewarming party for people leaving rehab. When they leave rehab, some people don’t have dishes, towels, or other household items. The transition from rehab to an apartment can come with other expenses, too. What better way to support and encourage a newly sober person than to open up a registry and buy them some of the essentials they’ll need to start a new life?

• A start or return to work dinner. In many families, a dinner is used to celebrate new jobs or promotions. In ours, we celebrate the job offer/promotion and the first paycheck with a trip to a restaurant. The basics of this tradition could be coopted for a person returning to work or starting a job for the first time. Likewise, a start or return to college or trade school could utilize the same strategies.

• Off paper party. Being “on paper” is the slang term for being on probation or parole. Mortgage-burning parties used to be quite common. Why not have an Off Paper Party where you invite your friends and PO to a bonfire where you burn the terms of probation? Similar celebrations could be conducted for clearing up warrants or fines.

What do you think, people? Am I nuts? Do you have an idea for celebrating a sobriety milestone?